I’m in Spain, north of Barcelona on the Costa Brava, the rugged coast. They drink here, not to excess, but as a daily, mealtime accompaniment. I’ve been observing this casualness and decided to partake in this celebratory, nonchalant part of the culture. A glass of wine (or two) at dinner seems to be part of the culture here which I don’t mind as I explore the coast solo.
This while Dry 2018, is about being honest, getting clear, cleaning up the murky and messy. It’s not about perfectionism. It’s about intention. So I’m having a glass of Tempranillo, a local varietal. Not to numb, but because I’m on a solo vacation and it will help me sleep. My sister, who is basically my spirit guide and on what’s app whenever I need her, is basically saying yes to everything.
Should I buy this dress that’s a little expensive? Yes. Should I indulge in this decadent meal? Yes. Should I have a glass of wine? Yes. It felt as though she was not advising but rather enabling. When I inquired, she clarified.
She’s seen me go to extremes. As a dancer I was very strict about what I didn’t eat. In relationships I’m usually the one going above and beyond for my partner. She wants to see my giving to myself. I’m also aware that when I find myself running decisions like what to eat, or buy, or wear by my sister, it’s a sign of anxiety.
When I, as a mostly confident woman need input on how to run my life it’s a red flag.
A pattern I’ve seen in the past and can now recognize. I’m fortunate to have such a solid support, but my desire is to be more centered. My older sister has always been my cheerleader, but even when input comes from a trusted source it’s still through a biased source outside of me. Ultimatley, we have to make peace with our own choices, benefits and consequences included.
So I’m in Spain for a friends wedding, but in 6 weeks I begin my 500hr TT with Dharma Mittra. I’m past the half way mark of my (mostly) Dry 2018. When I land back in NYC I return to a fresh start, vegan, sober and only 1 cup of coffee per day. For now, I’m on the Costa Brava and enjoying this moment. When I land back in NYC I’ll enjoy in a different way. A recommitment that I’m choosing and ready for.
By Anna Farkas
Anna is a Brooklyn based yoga teacher and writer. She loves looking at all the sides of the health and wellness industry and shedding some playful light on tough issues. Her favorite hobby is buying plane tickets and she leads retreats internationally. She is AcroVinyasa certified and pursuing her 500 hr certification with Dharma Mitra. She will eat all the avocados in the sunshine.
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