Holding on to negative emotions like pain, stress, and anxiety sometimes can’t fix anything. Remembering the past and bad things over and over can’t change what has happened, and wishing things were different can’t make it so. Most of the time, especially when it comes to past events, the best thing to do is to accept what you’re holding on to and let go. If you hold onto the past, you are hindering yourself from growth and creating a stronger sense of self, based on who you want to be.
Painful emotions can be strangely comfortable if you are used to holding onto them and letting go of pain and negative emotions can be hard and uncomfortable. However, there are some things you can do to help yourself let go and move forward.
Accept other people for who they are
Part of letting go and moving on is letting go of expectations and the idea of who you think people are, and accepting who other people are in this moment - this includes accepting ourselves! Accepting that things and relationships might not always go as you planned, and being okay with that, will improve your relationships with others. Try to practice gratitude, appreciation, and trust with the people in your life.
Don’t invest in expectations
Expectations can make us stuck and struggle with letting go because they make us afraid of different outcomes. Accepting that there are no guarantees in life, and there’s nothing we can do to get the outcomes we want when other people are involved helps us in letting go. When expectations aren’t met, it’s important to respond rationally, which can involve setting boundaries and letting go.
Don’t limit yourself
It’s easy to stop ourselves from trying new things and setting new goals, by thinking that we can never achieve them. If you open your mind and believe in yourself, you can achieve things you never thought possible, and let go of the limits that were holding you back.
Realize you can’t change others
Realizing that the only person we can change and control is ourselves, is a huge step in the right direction of letting go. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to change someone else, and don’t try and please everyone else before yourself.
Only worry about your own opinion of yourself
Try not to be worried about what other people think about you, and try not to let this control your actions. When you prioritize how you think and feel about yourself, you’ll start to live by your own values and beliefs, and will start letting go of the need for approval from others.
Let yourself make mistakes
It’s totally okay and normal to make mistakes. It’s okay! Try to learn from mistakes and not take yourself too seriously. If you say or do the wrong thing, it only means that you’re human, and if you beat yourself up too much you’ll start repeating past mistakes.
Accept the past
Accepting the past and the way things have gone will help you to live in the present moment. When you stop wishing things were different and focusing on changing the past, you’ll start to make decisions today that will help you achieve your goals.
Do things that scare you
Fear can hold us back and hinder us from letting go. Fear closes our minds to possibilities for the future and gets us stuck in our comfort zone. Fears can make us doubt ourselves and make us stuck in our comfort zone. If you make steps to move out of your comfort zone, fear will subside, and you’ll start to grow.
Express yourself
When you share and express your thoughts and feelings in a rational way, it helps you to find your voice and become more confident. Communication with others over boundaries, what’s working and what’s not working is a great way to stop yourself from bottling up your opinions. Expressing yourself and finding yourself is a great way to move on from the past and let go.
Allow yourself to feel negative sometimes
Some occasions call for negative emotions. Stress at work, breakups, grieving, or anything that makes you feel bad, call to feel negative and it’s important to acknowledge these feelings. Bottling up and ignoring negativity can make you feel worse for longer. Loss and bad events can be hard to live through, but it's okay to allow yourself to feel sad. Let yourself feel your emotions, and go through the process so you can start to let go and move onwards in your life.
Forgive others and yourself more easily
Not being able to forgive others makes us resentful and can keep us stuck in the past and unable to move forward in our lives. When you forgive others, you do it for yourself, not for anyone else. That can be a great way in itself to let go and forgive.
When you start to let go of things that are holding you back, you start to experience yourself and life in a more positive way. You’ll realise that you’re your own person, and not your past, pain or emotions. Negativity around ourselves and others, and negative self talk can get in the way of us becoming who we want to be. Letting go gives you a strong sense of self, and allows you to learn and grow in life.
By Amy Cavill
Practice the 7-Day Yoga for Anxiety Relief Immersion to help you let go!